In this poem i wrote is there anything i should change. good or bad. Critisism plz?

Can't you see i'm a fool for you

Can't you see I fall head over heels for you

Never can keep my balance

I can't keep my eyes off of you

The way your eyes sparkle when the sun shines

The way your chin hairs brush against my cheeks

How everytime you are near me

I can't keep my words straight

Or think clearly enough to speak

The way you bite and kiss my ear

Sends tingles and just a little shock to the heart

Your lips touch my neck gently

And as you walk away from me,

You leave me the feeling of wanting you even more

Can't you see i'm a fool for you

When i'm about to fall

You keep me up on my feet

You never let me fall

In this poem i wrote is there anything i should change. good or bad. Critisism plz?

It is w-o-n-d-e-r-f-u-l for song lyrics. Find a ballad singer and have them put it to music. Love, Janie

In this poem i wrote is there anything i should change. good or bad. Critisism plz?

Maybe change the word "fool"

to something else like "women".

Fool isn't a healthy or uplifting way to

describe yourself. Fool also sounds

immature.